All my life I've hidden my emotions from the world and kept them balled up in the pit of my stomach. I've decided to let some of them out now so I don' get an ulcer. :-P

I really feel as if I can't get a break. I finally met a guy who is smart, athletic, musical, and attractive but now Mom refuses to trust me around him. What happened to her saying, "Be good now and build up trust for when you're older. Then I'll let you do more things when you're a teen."? That translated into, "Make my life easy for me now and I'll screw you over when you're older." What was the point of being a good girl for all those years if I only get treated like a little shit?

What's with all this newfound attention from boys? It's not like I'm pretty or anything. I don't look any different from the beginning of the year and boys just ignored me then. Maybe my deep rooted self-esteem issues are just warping my mind to the point of delusion. I don't know why I hate myself to the extent I do. Surely there must be a reason for my self loathing. I have loving friends, I'm young and healthy, and I have a mostly supportive family. Why do I think that I'm the scum of the earth?

Awe shit, I totally forgot to go to the guidance office today. I got one of those slips today in gym and it completely slipped my mind. I hope I didn't miss anything important.

Well I think I have unloaded a sufficient amount of angst to keep myself from imploding into a sappy ball of mush. Thanks for allowing me to vent.